It was late, I was tired. All the motel were full. So I called a hotel chain. "I sthere any place with a vacancy along the highway I'm on?"
"Not in the highway," the woman said, checking on her map, "but I've got one just off it."
"How far off?" I asked.
"About an inch."

-Vern Miller

Heavently Cat

Our pet cat, Bob, died because of old age. So I put him in a box and bury it at the backyard. My 5 years old son seems to be upset from the lost. My wife roll her hand over his shoulder tries to comfort him.
“Don’t be sad dear, I sure Bob place is in heaven where nice people are living. He sure meet you grandpa and grandma over there.”
“That what I’m worry about,” he replied. “They would sure send him to hell if he broke their vase again.”

-hishamsmz

ATM machine

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community collage. On his first night of the class, he start chapter on banking. During his course of the lecture, the subject ATM's came up, and he mention that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at the given time.
Just then a man in the back raised his hand. "I not trying to be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it."

-Jennifer Johnson

Next life pregnancy?

I was in my nine month pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable. On top of everything, my pleas for sympathy seemd to go unnoticed by my husband.
One day I told him, "I hope in your next life you get to be pregnant!"
He replied, "I hope in your next life you get to be married to someone who's pregnant!"

-Patti Cook

My husband met me at the doctor's office for my routine checkup, and fro there we dicided to go out to eat. Since we had driven in two seperate cars, I arrive at the restaurant first.
"One for dinner?" asked the hostess.
"No," I replied. "There will be two of us in just a minute."
When I saw the panicky look on the hostess's face, I realized I had forgotten about my appearance. Anybody could see that I was at 8 1/2 months pregnant.


- Loann K. Burke

Honest Tattoo

Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand and hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged.
"I won't," I promises, "By th way, what does that stand for?"
"Honesty," she said.

- Linda Singer

Wish This Could Be True

Troblesome Upgrade

Over the years I have heard my share of strange questions and silly comments from people who call the computer software company where I work as a tech support telephone operator. But one day I realize how absurd things can sound on the other end of the line when I heard myself say to one caller, "Yes, sir, You must first upgrade your download software in order to download our upgrade software.

- Carlos Mejia

My husband working for a high-tech company that uses a robotic mail-delivery syatem. The robot make a mail stops by following a clear painted line on the hallway floor. Recently the line had to be recharge by appliying special paint. While it was drying, signs were posted warning, "Please don't step on the invisible line."

-Joellen Badik

After shopping at the busy store, another woman and I happen to leave at the same time, only to faced with the daunting task of finding our car in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my car easily.
"Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."
"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."

-Kathy Behrenbrinker

Another 70's performance

When a storm blew in around our cruise ship, an older women on deck struggled to hang on to her hat and keep her skrit from flaring up at the same time. My wife ran over to help. "Should I hold your skrit down?" she asked.
"Forget about the hat," the woman yelled. "I've got an 85-year-old body. The hat is brand new."

-Mike Drea

Since I am a busy mom of four, I rely on my children to help me out with everyday chores around the house. One day, I was running around trying to get the children and myself ready, when I suddenly realized it was trash pick-up day. So I handed a bag of garbage to my sleepy seven-year-old son and told him to toss in the trash bin on his way out the door.
Glance out my window moment later, I saw him wearily boarding the bus. He was carrying his backpack, his lunchbox and a big white bag of garbage.

-Lynn Parejko